one quip at a time

Passed out, spread eagle, at Columbus Circle

caffeinated:

That’s the state in which I found a dude on the way home.  He had a clear plastic cup loosely grasped in his right hand.  Clearly, he had a pretty great night.

I don’t think I’ve ever been so wasted.  I mean, I’ve blacked out a number of times; I’ve woken up not sure of where I was.  But I’ve never been woken up by a stranger, outside, in a public place.  That’s pretty extreme.  By a stranger, maybe.  In a public place, sure.  Outside, no.  All three at once?  Definitely not.

Once I woke him up he seemed coherent and mostly aware of his surroundings.  I couldn’t quite persuade him to get in a cab, but I think he’s going to be ok.  I hope.

Okay while you may have not woken up spread eagle in the middle of columbus circle (to my knowledge), you HAVE woken up in Queens, on a subway platform (in public), not knowing how you got there, and who is to say it wasn’t a stranger that woke up you up? Also I believe that there was pink colored vomit involved. I’m just saying …

i used to be so fearless.

i find i tiptoe when i want to walk with my head up. i feel i’ve become more and more scared as years have gone on. i find myself trying so hard not to make the same mistakes that i question my instincts to the point where i have lost myself.  i am trying to remember what it is that the fearless-me would have wanted.

numb and wired.

while something about this is foreign to me, the shaken, primal, physical reaction is all so familiar.  and being so pysically tired has made it harder to feel things, though my mind keeps churning and won’t let me rest.

And i was your silver lining
As the story goes
I was your silver lining
But now I’m gold

June 10, 2008

I walked into my apartment after work today hoping to smell the lemony-clean scent that usually permeates every-other Tuesday after our cleaning person comes.  Instead, I could barely catch the trace of any cleaning products through the thick, heavy, wet air that didn’t “hang” so much as drooped about and draped over everthing in the apartment.  It is hard even to smell that kind of air because it refuses to be wafted up to the nose and instead pulls everything downward toward the floor.  It is utterly amazing how the mind seems to forget that it could ever have felt differently in the apartment. Was it cold once? Could you ever open a window and feel an icy breeze that was so COLD as to be unpleasant?  It seems improbable.

But I only wanted more than I knew.

I always wanted you

I only wanted more than I knew.

May 21, 2008

I think I will probably look back on this as the moment I became a lawyer. Not law school graduation, not passing the bar, not my first 6 months of work as a lawyer, but Wednesday night. After working for 24 hours straight, I was about to leave the office and 9:15pm when I was called into a meeting of the “research team” of a case heading to trial. Before this meeting I was unaware I was part of such a team, I had merely been researching discrete questions, remaining unintegrated to the case. At the meeting the partner told us we were the team and went through all the legal questions we had unanswered as of the moment and reviewed what needed to be done. He also informed me that I was on the case now going to trial. My head was fuzzy from lack of sleep, I was trying not to yawn, I had been annoyed by having to go to a meeting so late, but suddenly, I was being put on my first trial team and it excited and thrilled me. It reminded me why I am in love with being a lawyer.

driver's side

So it is the 21st hour of being awake and the exhuastion has manifested itself in a calming, zen-like feel. There is a very slight headache but mostly it is just a slowed pace mixed with daze. Workworkworkworkworkworkworkwork.

May 15, 2008

Today, an important and hopefully historically lasting decision was handed down by the California Supreme Court which will change the definition of marriage from requiring that it be between one man and one woman. The decision expanded the right to marry to all Californians, including gays and lesbians and same-sex couples, as well as opposite-sex couples. The text of the opinion is here.

I spent the more enjoyable part of my day reading the first 15 pages of the 121 page decision instead of reading cases about securities fraud. It is quite a promising day for the future of progressivity. (I’m not sure if “future of progressivity” is a great phrase since it is like saying “future of moving toward the future.”)

I also spent a good portion of my day listening to Tegan and Sara’s song “Where Does the Good Go.” My favorite lyric being the first verse:

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow? What do you do with the leftover you? And how do you know when to let go? Where does the good go?

And then the chorus:

It’s love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking that you would be real happy and healthy, strong and bold. Where does the good go?

I suppose that most songs are about heartache, but the ones about breakup always seem to strike a chord with me. The song above poses a good question. I have felt particularly swelled with emotion this week. Not so much brooding or sullen, not necessarily dark or sad, just “feeling” the world a bit more. Tegan and Sara are playing at the Ausitn City Limits Festival in September and I bought tickets today. That’s what introspection and an ipod set on repeat will do.

New Focus

    In an effort to improve my writing — both my legal and recreational writing — and upon the suggestion of my legal writing instructor today, I am going to spend at least 6 minutes at the end of each day “diaring.”  In hopes that this “goal” does not become and oppressive “task” that I, as a procrastinator, am loathe to do, I will begin this practice by “requiring” diaring on weekdays and on weekends only as desired.  As a caveat, I will not claim that the diary entries will be complete, accurate, or even always coherent accounts of each day’s activities.  Rather, the entries will be whatever I am compelled to write.  So here we go.

My Officemate: It is so interesting how the engine of the car is so like to the heart of the body.