November 2008
2 posts
Thank God I have a Y chromosome →
caffeinated:
And a job.
do you have a job?
Passed out, spread eagle, at Columbus Circle
caffeinated:
That’s the state in which I found a dude on the way home. He had a clear plastic cup loosely grasped in his right hand. Clearly, he had a pretty great night.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so wasted. I mean, I’ve blacked out a number of times; I’ve woken up not sure of where I was. But I’ve never been woken up by a stranger, outside, in a public place. That’s pretty extreme. By...
October 2008
3 posts
Testing
i used to be so fearless.
i find i tiptoe when i want to walk with my head up. i feel i’ve become more and more scared as years have gone on. i find myself trying so hard not to make the same mistakes that i question my instincts to the point where i have lost myself. i am trying to remember what it is that the fearless-me would have wanted.
numb and wired.
while something about this is foreign to me, the shaken, primal, physical reaction is all so familiar. and being so pysically tired has made it harder to feel things, though my mind keeps churning and won’t let me rest.
September 2008
1 post
July 2008
1 post
And i was your silver lining As the story goes I was your silver lining But now I’m gold
June 2008
2 posts
June 10, 2008
I walked into my apartment after work today hoping to smell the lemony-clean scent that usually permeates every-other Tuesday after our cleaning person comes. Instead, I could barely catch the trace of any cleaning products through the thick, heavy, wet air that didn’t “hang” so much as drooped about and draped over everthing in the apartment. It is hard even to smell that kind...
They’re saying I can’t be trusted, I can’t be true But I only wanted more than I knew. I always wanted you I only wanted more than I knew.
May 2008
7 posts
May 21, 2008
I think I will probably look back on this as the moment I became a lawyer. Not law school graduation, not passing the bar, not my first 6 months of work as a lawyer, but Wednesday night. After working for 24 hours straight, I was about to leave the office and 9:15pm when I was called into a meeting of the “research team” of a case heading to trial. Before this meeting I was unaware...
driver's side
So it is the 21st hour of being awake and the exhuastion has manifested itself in a calming, zen-like feel. There is a very slight headache but mostly it is just a slowed pace mixed with daze. Workworkworkworkworkworkworkwork.
May 15, 2008
Today, an important and hopefully historically lasting decision was handed down by the California Supreme Court which will change the definition of marriage from requiring that it be between one man and one woman. The decision expanded the right to marry to all Californians, including gays and lesbians and same-sex couples, as well as opposite-sex couples. The text of the opinion is here. ...
New Focus
In an effort to improve my writing — both my legal and recreational writing — and upon the suggestion of my legal writing instructor today, I am going to spend at least 6 minutes at the end of each day “diaring.” In hopes that this “goal” does not become and oppressive “task” that I, as a procrastinator, am loathe to do, I will begin this...
My Officemate: It is so interesting how the engine of the car is so like to the heart of the body.
Arousal procrastinators seek the excitement and pumping stress hormones of having to finish everything under duress. (I’m this type.) Avoidance procrastinators make their work the measure of their self-worth and so end up putting it off out of fear. (I’m this type, too.)
nothing is “ours” except the time when we are face to face.
April 2008
2 posts
industrial hum
I was awoken this morning at 6:30 am not by my alarm but by what I can only describe as an “industrial hum.” It wasn’t very loud, it was probably coming from a garbage truck blocks away and the decibel level was quite low, but the pitch, the hum, was tearing my ear drums apart. It wasn’t the deep timbre and throttle of the engine, I could hear that as well and that rumble...
oh you’ll come back. they always do.
March 2008
4 posts
bender
Being with you was always like being on a bender: days of endless revelry then body-ache like I can’t remember. Being without you was something different all together: singing the same song for weeks, feeling sad to feel better.
monday morning
This morning was so different from every other morning we have spent together. This morning I woke up in my bed and you woke up on my couch. We showered, did the morning choreographed dance of getting ready for work. We are so much older now than when we used to share twin-extra-long beds together and put on sweatshirts before heading to class. Instead, this morning, you put on the shirt I ironed...
everything now-ness
something about sundays always makes me feel so much more reflective and write-y than usual. i spent an hour in my office not working, but watching brotherhood 2.0 videos which are pretty great. and one of the video themes was “things i’ll miss about new york” and was made by one of the brothers on the occassion of his leaving my city. one of the things on his list was the...
February 2008
5 posts
you too?
me: yes bc we love diet coke
Joy: i have a diet pepsi
a grande skim cappuccino
and half a coffee
on my desk right now
me: haha
oh caffeine
you're my only friend
Joy: hey.
i thought caffeine was MY friend
caffeine is a slut
me: lol
it so is
nevermind
I wish I was the kind of person who knew where my gloves were all the time and could effortlessly remove them from my pocket or bag instead of having to hold my coffe cup in my teeth as I scrounge through the old receipts, half-finished crosswords, and myriad pens that I can never find when I need them. I wish I wasn’t the kind of person who misplcaed things and once had to have Starbucks...
January 2008
3 posts
sun down, sun up, sun down and repeat two more times until you find yourself on your couch unsure of the year or your job or what you were supposed to do today and watching the sun set in the windows across the street and feeling alternate swells of sadness and urgency.
I’m a habitually tardy person, but I was always on time for you. That should tell someone most of what they’d need to know to understand. But now I’m up, and you’re down. I prefer to walk in the sunshine and it sends you running from its disinfectant. And so I made a list. I gained comfort in naming, categorizing, and organizing my pain. I took out my yellow legal pad and...
December 2007
6 posts
November 2007
4 posts
October 2007
6 posts
F-ed Up Dreams
I had one of the CRAZIEST dreams I’ve ever had last night. Probably to do with being sick and feverish but here was the basic plot: I, along with fellow classmates from law school, went to Munich for 2 weeks to work on this gene splicing project with a world renowned geneticist. We though this would be a pretty tame gene-study, akin to the AP Bio labs where you spliced the p-glo gene onto...
Tops and Versatiles
Tops: 1. Gourmet olive bar in the cafeteria. 2. Carmex Mint Lip Moisturizer with Sunscreen SPF 30 (always a top) 3. method biodegradable cleaning wipes - pink grapefruit scent Versatiles: 1. Insatiable hunger. 2. Denise Richards for giving me points on my celebrity fantasy league, but not enough to put me in the top 5. 3. No Jury duty tomorrow, yay. But I’m still on call for the rest of...
Tops and Bottoms
Top 5 this morning: 1. Cal is #2 2. New Pillows (they are amazing and Costco rocks) 3. Bliss Instant Mattefication (works wonders on shine, one can no longer direct air traffic from the shine off my face) 4. The fact that Starbucks took less than 5 minutes today (could have taken 2, but still) 5. Tater-tots in the cafeteria Bottom 5: 1. Working 12 hours on a Sunday on 4 hours of sleep...
September 2007
6 posts
I don’t need sleep anymore, though I slept like a child last night. The deep, easy sleep of a child without a care in the world, one much less high strung than I was. And I awoke easily, on time, peacefully, with no alarm set. That is the real miracle. A stress-free, blissful even, awakening. I don’t need liquor or coffee anymore either, though I’ve had both in the past 12...
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sad sad day